2014年12月11日木曜日

Pretty/Creepy

It's after dinner.  I am wearing sweatpants, sitting on the bed, with one hand in a bag of chocolate covered rice crackers, my phone in the other hand scrolling through pictures on Instagram.  "James, I think this girl's pretty," I show him the picture of a Japanese actress.

"Wow...She's creepy. She's scary.  Like she's old.  But then she's super young.  Like, who is she?  I don't even know what's going on with her."

[I laugh for 5 minutes straight]

I love that James' responses are always so honest and there are so many words that come out of his mouth.

Oh, and here's the picture, in case you're curious:


Thoughts on Oregon

"Oregon has become my new favorite past-time.  The country of Oregon is ludicrous.  Just ludicrous.  Its ludicrously must be studied." - James, after reading to me out loud this article

2014年12月9日火曜日

Pasta Cutter

This is a bit of a throwback.  

My dear friend Laurel documented this moment on paper/computer one evening way back in September, when Laurel, James and I hung out on her couch and smoked together.  Aaand, it's Laurel's birthday!  Happy Birthday Laurel!!!


James: Remember when you were playing the copyness game and i got really scared?
Amy: Yea you got scared and hid in the couch
James: Yea because i thought you were me.
Laurel: Wait..what? 
James: I thought Amy was me
Laurel: Are you serious? You thought that was really happening?
James: Well I was high.
Laurel: Ok i was little nervous for a second. That wouldn’t have made any sense.
James: Remember you would be really hard on yourself when you recognized you were scaring me?
Amy: Yep
James: You would tell me how badly you felt. You were really hard on yourself. We talked about that last night
Amy and James: (Proceed to stare into each other’s eyes)
Laurel: (Looks back and forth with a confused face thinking “what the fuck is going on?”)
Amy: (Blinks) 
James: (laughter. louder laughter. explosive laughter…not congruent to the context of this situation)
James: We were just having a serious moment and then you cut it off with your eyes
Laurel: (Continues to look super confused. Almost so uncomfortable that she wishes that she could suddenly disappear without them noticing.)
Amy: I had to cut it off like a pasta cutter.
James: (Explosive laughter continues.) You just said pasta cutter!
Amy: Yeah it makes sense. (blinks) it cuts it like this.
Laurel: Finally catches eyes with Amy. Laurel says “That was extremely ridiculous. And super awkward for way too long.”
Amy and James laugh again. like they synchronized it.
Laurel: I’m serious. I didn’t know how long that would last. I kept wondering “Do they know that I’m sitting here? Like…right fucking here.” 
Amy and James: Laughter. then silence. 

2014年11月28日金曜日

Happy Thanksgiving!

Whilst I am cooking our (very non-) thanksgiving dinner, here in Osaka...

"I am glad that Tom is your dad and that Eugene is your brother."  (silence)

Hahahaha.  Why yes, I am too, James!!

I am grateful for my family and friends who bring eternal sunshine into my life.

Then, we ate this for Thanksgiving dinner:

2014年11月25日火曜日

Post-Dinner Tea Time

Who drinks tea (from a stein, nonetheless) and eats biscuits in bed?  This guy.


2014年11月23日日曜日

Vertigo Farts

I stood up really fast and I felt dizzy.  "Woah.  I feel like I just got vertigo."

James: "Is that where you feel like you're going to fart, but it just won't come out?"


2014年10月28日火曜日

How Our Dates End

When I was a single gal, the end of the date always held some potential.  Usually there was some sort of expectation, anticipation of ending the night on a great note...like, maybe continuing the date after being invited into his house and having a glass of wine and some conversation, etc. etc...and sometimes etc.

When James and I go out together, I have SO. MUCH. FUN.  We actually have so much fun to the point of exhaustion--the second we get home, sometimes one of us quietly creeps upstairs (while the other scours the fridge for snackz), and just passes out.  Full of snacks and awake, one makes his/her way upstairs, only to find a body mass that has collapsed, lights on, with evidence that there was a real struggle to make it into 'jammies but it just didn't happen.

It makes me laugh so hard that some of our dates end this way.  And it's awesome.

Spotted!  James-creature seems to have passed out.  


There's about thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much bed and he seems to be on 5% of the bed surface area.


He's practically falling off the bed.  At this point, I'm just impressed.  And look, he got his belt off, but it seemed to have used up the last ounce of energy he had left.  Daw.


There's more after the jump below...

James Original

My hubbles wearing a baby blue cardigan, goat T-shirt (which we got in Ishigaki Island and it says, "Wonderful time with us!  We are good taste."), and eating homemade clam chowder.

I find this very adorable.


2014年10月25日土曜日

Figs, Orange Berries, and Raisins

James suddenly wakes up from a nap and rolls onto his back and says,

"A guy with a turban selling dates came up to me and said, 'James, I'll trade you a fig for an orange berry."

Me: "That's awesome, babe."
James: (5 second delay) "Thanks."

(silence)

"I'm going to go eat some raisin bread."

(rolls over, goes back to sleep)

2014年10月23日木曜日

Games n' James

Sometimes I write emails in bed and then this is happening 15 feet away.  Hahaha.

Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click...






2014年10月22日水曜日

I'm Overwhelmed Right Now

Context: James is upstairs playing a game.  I'm downstairs in the kitchen writing.

[Thump, thump, thump.  James is coming down the stairs.]

James: (Big heavy SIGH.) "Babe, I'm so overwhelmed right now."
Me: Oh god.  This sounds serious.  Maybe he's overwhelmed about visa stuff.  I am concerned right now! "What is it, babe?  Here, sit down."
James: "Ugh.  It's just so overwhelming.  I need to do three things."
Me: "Ok, tell me."
James: "Here it is.  One.  I need to kill pangolin. (Wait...what?)  Two, I need to get to Ole.  And three, I need to listen to the mysterious guy."
Me: "Wait...is this about your game, The Void?" (Ok, so it's totally not serious. Wtf.  Just listen patiently, Amy).
James: "Yeah.  This is the most overwhelming game I have ever played.  I need to get color from the sisters, but then I don't know if I've planted enough color to harvest them.  So if I don't have enough color, the sisters might die, and then I won't be able to get to Ole.  On top of that, the guy who I think I'm an apprentice to, is telling me instructions and I think I should listen to him but then I don't know if I listen to him that he will kill me later and I don'tlwjeijlfkjsoiejrkjn akjsnviuskjnwiu ksjdhfiwuh akasuh iewuhf owhe fakjn oie ajfiewrakjs iuwheajsbfkjawh awiueygf akjh wkjhfgakwjhkja uweyg akjhguywiqehjbvmxk awfbkjshbfuwyhe rjskdjhvbuyeofus bdkfjyqkfhksj riwufajksbfiwubb ouy ajhbkwjhbfauyw...Does that make sense?"

James sighs, walks over to sink, and starts chugging a huge glass of water.



Post-lunch Emasculation

James and I had just enjoyed lunch at home together. I am now in my own thoughts as I methodically wash some dishes. The silence is suddenly broken.

James: "I have a question for you. If you had an opportunity to, would you ever cut off my penis?"
Me: "...Wha...I..." (Did he just say 'cut off his penis'? What? I'm confused!! Where did this come fro...)
(10 seconds later)
James: "Let me finish. (OH, there was more to that question. Can't wait to hear it). Like, would you ever cut it off out of anger? Or would you do it for other reasons?"
Me: "Cut off your penis figuratively or literally?"
James: "I'm pretty sure you can't cut off a penis figuratively. In the history, I've never head of someone say, 'I'm going to figuratively cut off your penis'. No."

Uncontrollable laughter ensues.

About

James makes me laugh a lot.  Most of the time it's the stuff that comes out when he gets extra comfy with me.  Those unexpectedly funny moments.

So I decided to document shit James says.  It's probably only hilarious to me, but now it's all in one neat little place.

This blog is a running compilation of my days with you, my squash blossom. 




All dialogues are a summary and aren't always 100% accurate.  But it's pretty close.