How Our Dates End

When I was a single gal, the end of the date always held some potential.  Usually there was some sort of expectation, anticipation of ending the night on a great note...like, maybe continuing the date after being invited into his house and having a glass of wine and some conversation, etc. etc...and sometimes etc.

When James and I go out together, I have SO. MUCH. FUN.  We actually have so much fun to the point of exhaustion--the second we get home, sometimes one of us quietly creeps upstairs (while the other scours the fridge for snackz), and just passes out.  Full of snacks and awake, one makes his/her way upstairs, only to find a body mass that has collapsed, lights on, with evidence that there was a real struggle to make it into 'jammies but it just didn't happen.

It makes me laugh so hard that some of our dates end this way.  And it's awesome.

Spotted!  James-creature seems to have passed out.  

There's about thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much bed and he seems to be on 5% of the bed surface area.

He's practically falling off the bed.  At this point, I'm just impressed.  And look, he got his belt off, but it seemed to have used up the last ounce of energy he had left.  Daw.

There's more after the jump below...

James Original

My hubbles wearing a baby blue cardigan, goat T-shirt (which we got in Ishigaki Island and it says, "Wonderful time with us!  We are good taste."), and eating homemade clam chowder.

I find this very adorable.

Figs, Orange Berries, and Raisins

James suddenly wakes up from a nap and rolls onto his back and says,

"A guy with a turban selling dates came up to me and said, 'James, I'll trade you a fig for an orange berry."

Me: "That's awesome, babe."
James: (5 second delay) "Thanks."

(silence)

"I'm going to go eat some raisin bread."

(rolls over, goes back to sleep)

Games n' James

Sometimes I write emails in bed and then this is happening 15 feet away.  Hahaha.

Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click...

I'm Overwhelmed Right Now

Context: James is upstairs playing a game.  I'm downstairs in the kitchen writing.

[Thump, thump, thump.  James is coming down the stairs.]

James: (Big heavy SIGH.) "Babe, I'm so overwhelmed right now."
Me: Oh god.  This sounds serious.  Maybe he's overwhelmed about visa stuff.  I am concerned right now! "What is it, babe?  Here, sit down."
James: "Ugh.  It's just so overwhelming.  I need to do three things."
Me: "Ok, tell me."
James: "Here it is.  One.  I need to kill pangolin. (Wait...what?)  Two, I need to get to Ole.  And three, I need to listen to the mysterious guy."
Me: "Wait...is this about your game, The Void?" (Ok, so it's totally not serious. Wtf.  Just listen patiently, Amy).
James: "Yeah.  This is the most overwhelming game I have ever played.  I need to get color from the sisters, but then I don't know if I've planted enough color to harvest them.  So if I don't have enough color, the sisters might die, and then I won't be able to get to Ole.  On top of that, the guy who I think I'm an apprentice to, is telling me instructions and I think I should listen to him but then I don't know if I listen to him that he will kill me later and I don'tlwjeijlfkjsoiejrkjn akjsnviuskjnwiu ksjdhfiwuh akasuh iewuhf owhe fakjn oie ajfiewrakjs iuwheajsbfkjawh awiueygf akjh wkjhfgakwjhkja uweyg akjhguywiqehjbvmxk awfbkjshbfuwyhe rjskdjhvbuyeofus bdkfjyqkfhksj riwufajksbfiwubb ouy ajhbkwjhbfauyw...Does that make sense?"

James sighs, walks over to sink, and starts chugging a huge glass of water.

Post-lunch Emasculation

James and I had just enjoyed lunch at home together. I am now in my own thoughts as I methodically wash some dishes. The silence is suddenly broken.

James: "I have a question for you. If you had an opportunity to, would you ever cut off my penis?"

Me: "...Wha...I..." (Did he just say 'cut off his penis'? What? I'm confused!! Where did this come fro...)

(10 seconds later)

James: "Let me finish. (OH, there was more to that question. Can't wait to hear it). Like, would you ever cut it off out of anger? Or would you do it for other reasons?"

Me: "Cut off your penis figuratively or literally?"

James: "I'm pretty sure you can't cut off a penis figuratively. In the history, I've never head of someone say, 'I'm going to figuratively cut off your penis'. No."

Uncontrollable laughter ensues.

About

James makes me laugh a lot.  Most of the time it's the stuff that comes out when he gets extra comfy with me.  Those unexpectedly funny moments.

So I decided to document shit James says.  It's probably only hilarious to me, but now it's all in one neat little place.

This blog is a running compilation of my days with you, my squash blossom. 

All dialogues are a summary and aren't always 100% accurate.  But it's pretty close.